So here is my best info for new and expectant moms.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately since I’m expecting myself.
I say information instead of advice because no one asked for my advice but sometimes by sharing helpful information it helps, and I like to help.
This is something I have just kind of realized that may have been helpful if I had known in the moment.
Before I share. I know the suspense is killing you.
Here is my disclaimer, my humble disclaimer.
I was not the stereotypical nervous first time mom.
It’s a spectrum and we all cope differently. Don’t get me wrong I had to dust off some old calming and cognitive techniques because those hormones are crazy and I had a lot of anxious thoughts.
However, I’m very comfortable around new babies, I’ve worked in the medical field for years, and I took classes to learn more about what was happening to my body and to me with the sole purpose of reducing my anxiety.
I also have struggled with insomnia my whole life and for much of my first pregnancy (note I said first…this kid currently cooking, isn’t making much easy) I slept better than ever. So that new-baby-sleep-deprivation was not as hard on me as some, including my husband who could win a gold medal in sleeping.
So that being said, I’ve heard some new moms think the first few weeks are the hardest. Some even find relief by having a doula or night nurse for awhile, or a family member like a new grandma staying over helping. Ladies whatever it takes, no shame do it!
I did not find the first few weeks the hardest I found them the best. There was one day the first week where my little guy hadn’t pooped for almost a whole day and that was a little scary. I found the first sickness, first teething, when he got mobile, etc. much harder. For me I loved the first month.
So I want to tell you about the first month.
Take out the sleep deprivation, the anxiety, checking if the baby is breathing, etc. The rest of it is amazing. If mom and dad are both in the picture and both lucky enough to have that time off from work to just focus on now being a family of three, it can be magical.
You are in this bubble of being on baby’s schedule. You sleep when you can, you shower if you are lucky. You spend hours looking at your new baby and letting them sleep on your chest. You can have whatever you want on the tv without concern the kid is watching it. Hopefully you have a village and people from that village come by to meet the baby and bring food.
That baby is a miracle and you are so full of love for each other and that new life you almost forget the horror show that is going on with your healing body…almost.
Try not to focus on the sore leaking breasts, or bleeding, or tiredness. Focus on the bliss and love. Here is why…
It is AMAZING and you NEVER have it again.
I know that sounds so final and sad but unfortunately it is true.
Your baby will never be weeks old again, and if you decide to have more the bubble is disturbed by the need to care for your other children.
I now realize there will be no staying in bed all day, we will have to stick to my toddler’s schedule as much as possible and that might mean getting up and playing with him at 7 am even if new baby is sleeping. People may come by but they also know this isn’t your first and you have other things going on. We will leave the house sooner because a toddler needs to run. There may be times where I get to sit quietly and memorize every inch of my new baby’s face, fingers, and toes but there will probably be a big brother singing the ABCs or saying “I want this!” about everything, in the background.
There will be bliss, but there will also be juggling, sacrifices, and schedules. If I had realized this in the moment almost exactly two years ago, I would have not taken it for granted, I wouldn’t have complained as much and I would of tried to memorize that feeling of peace, love, and bliss.
I have no doubt I am going to love our crazy life as a family of four, plus dog. But I might miss the days of being a family of three, plus dog…just a little.