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My Husband Keeps Asking Me, “When Is This Going To Get Easier?”

Alright. It’s 10:20 pm. It’s a Monday night. Two nights ago my husband and I had a ‘staycation’/mini-escape to the beautiful Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach (for F-R-E-E, with an oceanfront suite upgrade…yay Hyatt credit card points!!!). Yet, I’m blogging at this hour, buzzed after numbing my mind on mindless TV (thank you, ‘New Celebrity Apprentice’) and sipping on a generous pour of vino.

How did I get here?

Well, I have 3 kids under 2 1/2

Yep. That’s right. 

Intentionally, no less (timing, not # of kids). 

I have a 2 1/2-year-old boy and 16-month identical twin boys (pregnancy planned, twins….not so much). 

You read that correctly. 

15. Months. Apart. 

Okay. So that partially explains the late night blogging and the need for wine. So why am I lushing it on a Monday night (and I don’t even have football to blame!)? My two and a half year old is testing me at every level possible– ALL DAY LONG.

How does that differ than any other 2 and a half year old? Honestly, I don’t know. He’s my first, so I don’t have much for reference. However, I can say, that it’s an all-fronts affair. He’s clingy. He’s needy. He’s moody. He’s whiny. He’s adorable. He’s sweet. He’s polite. He’s a total monster. All within 5 minutes. 

To top it off, he says ‘NO!’ to everything. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he had multiple personalities. One second he’s loving on me and three minutes later he’s throwing a tantrum the likes of which have yet been witnessed by man. It’s a crazy age. Now throw in the twins. Life is crazy. 

What pushed me over the edge? My two and a half-year-old BIT MY TWINS.

Let me clear the air by saying that he’s done this before, but not in a really long time. (Several months and has never bitten anyone other than his siblings and not on a regular basis–THANK GOODNESS–and it usually happens when they’re wrestling around and he get’s a little too riled up). Today’s were not just little ‘love bites,’ these were leave-teeth-marks-and-bruises kind of bites while they were in our ‘baby octagon’** while I was prepping morning snacks. 

In less than 30 seconds from when I was ready to pick them up and get them all situated at the table, I hear a blood-curdling scream. It’s Kellen. I look at Declan (my 2 1/2 y/o), he’s already doing a head dive into the couch and burying his face into the cushions because he KNOWS he is in the deepest you-know-what.

I pick up Kellen and try to soothe him. I simply look at Declan and he knows.

My normally chatty, energetic and whiny boy is S-I-L-E-N-T and is sitting perfectly still. He knows that if he makes a move or sound, mommy is going to lose it.

Fast forward to bath time. Declan had already endured discipline from me and quite the tongue lashing from my husband when he arrived home from work. I am bathing Evan (the other twin) and notice fresh bite marks on him as well. WTF?!

In a nano-second, so much ran through my mind at that moment:

1.) When did this happen? I didn’t hear you [Evan] cry in a manner representative of this bite and I (obviously) didn’t see it happen.

2.) What is going on?!?!?!

3.) Am I the WORST parent ever???? (Because I am certainly feeling that way)

4.) I am failing!

5.) I feel terrible.

6.) I am SO ANGRY!!!!!

Immediately, I am (eerily calmly) summoning my husband to the bathroom. I show him the bite marks on poor Evan’s shoulder. We call Declan upstairs to show him his dirty work. He starts to cry. (Thank goodness, we can uncheck the sociopath box!) We talk to him– AGAIN –as to why biting is such a bad thing. We finish our bath and bedtime routine. The kids are asleep! What a freakin’ day.

My husband looks at me and pleads with me, “Please tell me this is going to get easier…” I don’t have a concrete answer for him. All I can muster is a defeated, “So they say…” 

As I sit here writing this, all I can think of is, “I know I’m not alone. There are other moms dealing with similar, if not (heaven forbid) worse things than I right now.” Okay. Reality check completed. So why do I still feel so terrible?! 

I’m trying to give myself some grace, but it is not working. I have ‘a biter’ and two maimed children. I suppose there are worse things, but right now I am having a hard time grasping that this is only temporary. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a far better one and I can figure out how to solve this biting issue (aside from cloning myself). That, and the pipe dream that it really will get easier.

PS– If you have a sure-fire method for getting a toddler to stop biting his siblings (a method in which I won’t be in fear of CPS taking my kids away from me), PLEASE share. I am desperate!

** (Our casual sitting area has been cordoned off with gates and has two full-sized couches, a love seat, TWO 4’x8′ bonafide gymnastics/wrestling mats in the middle of the area; my feeble attempt to keep things [relatively] in my favor/safe. Thus, it somewhat resembles an MMA pit–hence the moniker, ‘baby octagon’)

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8 Responses to My Husband Keeps Asking Me, “When Is This Going To Get Easier?”

  1. Summer January 19, 2017 at 8:27 am #

    so sorry love! I don’t have much experience with biting. I remember Trevor biting when he was little. My mom might have some tips. I think she had to bite him back because he wouldn’t stop! It will get better!

  2. Michelle January 23, 2017 at 11:56 am #

    Went through a biting phase with my now 2.5 yro and as everyone assured us, the phase will pass. We tried to give the attention to whomever she had hitter or bitten and she didn’t like that. She also really loved the yo gabba gabba book, don’t bite your friends. It was a simple but interactive book and soon after getting it, she was done with the btting. Not sure if it was the book or time, but thank goodness that phase is over! Good luck!

    • Heather Eftekhari
      Heather Eftekhari January 29, 2017 at 8:11 pm #

      Michelle, we’ve bought a few books and are going to do heavy rotation with them for as long as it takes. Thanks for the recommendation!

  3. Angela Basham January 24, 2017 at 10:34 am #

    You’re amazing!

  4. Lauren Corbett January 27, 2017 at 8:51 am #

    It will get better, I promise! I remember feeling like this and I just had two that were 15 mos apart. I remember thinking that my life was now horrible and that was the new normal . . . now those boys get along awesome, most of the time, and I’m glad they are so close in age. Hang in there! You’re doing great!

    • Heather Eftekhari
      Heather Eftekhari January 27, 2017 at 5:21 pm #

      Thanks Lauren!

  5. Gabrielle January 29, 2017 at 3:10 pm #

    I totally understand you! I have an almost 4yr old and almost 2yr old twins (they are 22mos apart). I’m also due in March with surprise baby #4. This stage of motherhood is SO.HARD. It has not yet gotten easier, sorry to tell you. My twins are the biters – they bite each other and their older brother. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen too often, but I do need to keep a close eye on them if they are play wrestling or if they get mad. And my oldest plays so so rough that someone is always getting hurt. They have so much energy and are so loud! I feel exactly how you do, in fact I could have probably written the same things. This week has been so hard. I’m exhausted because I can’t sleep well due to pregnancy, I get irritated so easily, I yell, I feel guilty, I cry, and repeat.

    • Heather Eftekhari
      Heather Eftekhari January 29, 2017 at 8:09 pm #

      Gabrielle. You are why I write what I write. I know that there are so many other moms going through the same stuff, but often not talking about it. Thank you for reaching out. You have ‘a friend in arms’ and I hope that the remainder of your pregnancy treats you well… you’ve definitely got your hands full. *HUGS*