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I Never Felt Alone Until I Became A Mother

I never truly felt alone until I became a mother.  The minute I brought my son home from the hospital I felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness.  Having a child was the most isolating thing to ever happen to me.

never felt more aloneI decided to quit my job after giving birth to my son.  I really did want to stay home with him, but I never expected to feel the way I felt.  

Every day I would wait with anticipation for my husband to come home from work.  Not because I missed him – it was more a feeling of – oh THANK GOD THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE HERE! 

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, but being in the house all day long with this tiny human that needed me for everything was intense.  I thought I would be fine being home all day – I had been unemployed for 10 months at one point in my life so I figured having a baby would be similar to that experience.  Except it wasn’t at all.

It was tiring.  It was long.  It was isolating.  It was so incredibly lonely.

When I was unemployed – while super frustrating – I could still determine my entire day.  Being home with a baby was completely the opposite.  And while people tell you over and over again that your life is going to be turned upside down, you can never truly understand until it actually happens.  And by then it’s too late.  

I never felt more alone.

A few months into being a stay at home mom, my husband suggested I join a Mommy and Me group.  I hadn’t really thought too much about it but at his urging decided to go.  And I am forever thankful that I did.

The women I met were all first-time moms, struggling just like me.  We shared our ups and our downs.  It was the absolute best part of my week.  I basically lived for Mommy and Me.  I still consider them all to be my friends.

No one can prepare you for what it will be like when you have a child.  It changes your life completely.  And most of that change is absolutely amazing!  But some of it is really, really hard.

And it’s okay!  Really, the feelings we have are not something to be ashamed of.  

For a long time I felt ashamed because I had wanted to have this baby, and how could I not be thrilled about being able to stay home and raise him?  It was like the second phase of pregnancy guilt.

If you are feeling lonely, don’t be scared to reach out.  There are so many amazing places to meet new moms – people who are going through the exact same things you are going through.  And if you really feel isolated, it may not be a bad idea to find some professional help.  

Becoming a mother made me feel extremely alone, but it also has been filled with the craziest and best parts of my life.  Hang in there, mama friend!

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