My mother has always had a wealth of knowledge. I consider her to be my wise sage. Whenever I need advice I call her. Whenever anything ever happens I call her. She is the ultimate guide for me.
My senior year of college we would meet once a week for lunch and shopping. It was our thing. I looked forward to it every Wednesday. We would talk about my future a lot. Where I would move, what if I got married, would I have kids, how many kids, and the list goes on and on.
And one day she said something that made me rethink all of the thoughts that I had about her and about my future. I know it sounds dramatic that one sentence could change my life, but it’s the truth.
This is what my mother said to me:
Don’t do anything for me.
That’s it. Don’t. do. anything. for. me. She wasn’t saying don’t help me clean up the kitchen or treat me to some ice cream. What she was saying was don’t get married for me, don’t have kids for me, don’t feel like if you don’t do something that a daughter is supposed to do that I’ll be upset. It was the most liberating thing she had ever said.
I know a lot of women who feel like they’ve cheated their mothers out of having grandchildren or elaborate weddings. Somehow I had won the jackpot of mothers, and I knew it.
She told me that she had already made her choices. She decided to get married, to have kids, to be a stay-at-home mom and then working mom. She had lived her life by her design and she wanted me to have the freedom to do the same. She told me that she loved me and whether I had kids or not would not change her love for me. Did she have the desire for grandchildren, of course! Was she wishing it upon me? Nope. Not even for one second.
Mom lottery = won
While this conversation happened over some yummy food and lasted but a moment, I have never forgotten what she said. I hope that I am able to give this freedom to my own children. Of course I want grandkids and of course I want to see them get married, but what’s even more important is that they are true to themselves.
And like my mother always said, if she never had any grandchildren she would simply get a dog. I like her thinking – dogs are adorable.