Husband was adamant about buying our 22 month old son his own seat on our flight to Maui. Even though we could lap him for free, and spend the money on cocktails I agreed that the extra room for the wiggle worm would be nice. After doing much research I came to the conclusion that we should bring the car seat on and strap him in (the baby not my husband). It was safer and he might have found some comfort in the familiar seat.
When we arrive at the airport Husband decides he doesn’t want to carry the car seat through the airport and checks it with our bags. What!?! Are you kidding? Now how do we contain the curious toddler with a short attention span for Mickey Mouse or Thomas the Train? I informed him this was a horrible decision and he was going to regret it.
I was right
As the five hour flight to paradise took off our curious toddler began to walk all over us…literally. I have bruises on my legs from 30lbs of dead weight launching himself from seat to seat. Fruit snacks and pretzels would bait him back but not before the temptation to open and slam the tray table was remembered. As Husband’s patience grew short we were delighted by the announcement of honeymooners sitting in front of us. Sorry newlyweds but birth control is sitting right behind you.
Finally the glorious drink cart came around. We ordered the largest bottle of wine to share, and by share I mean
drink myself. Glory! The little guy is sleepy and might actually fall asleep. As I rock him into a sweet slumber I begin to enjoy my moment of quiet and large glass of wine. Within minutes I start to feel something warm in my lap. Oh hell no! Pee! How is it that this guy’s diaper hardly ever leaks and of course it has to be on the plane, while he’s sleeping and I’m wearing my favorite pair of Lululemon yoga pants.
I dare not move and wake the monster so I sit in warm pee for over an hour drinking my wine and enjoying my quiet wet stillness.
I’ve got a little buzz going when he wakes and the activity bag was in full force. Trains, snacks, playdoh, coloring, snacks, ipad, cell phone videos, snacks, stickers, dollar bin toys, milk, snacks…and on it goes. Then it begins…the screaming for no reason. Just long screams at the top of his lungs in a high pitch squeal that is an absolute nuisance. Husband lost it. No! He puts his hand over our son’s mouth and what does he do? He bites him and then giggles uncontrollably. In my state of disbelief and embarrassment I start laughing to make the situation worse. Somehow we land and survive and everything seems okay when you are in Hawaii. As I exit the plane I look like I woke up from a crazy sorority party and head directly for the Starbucks strategically placed at baggage claim. I had heard traveling with a toddler can be rough but he showed us no mercy.